Stories

So, I realize that it has been a very, very long time since I’ve last posted. I apologize, but school and work has just been so stressful and time consuming. But I finished most of the really hard things today! I got out of my CompSci midterm at around 10:30pm today. Long day. I didn’t get into PACS, as most of you know already (because I won’t stop ranting about it. My bad -.-), so my schedule is very much messed the freaking crap up. But I joined the Taiwanese Decal! =] Hmm, so now I’m out everyday from 9am-6:30pm. Kind of sucks, no time for anything… Oh well, that’s my fault, and I should be focusing more on school anyway.

Ever had the feeling of having so much to say that you don’t have anything to say? That’s how I’m feeling right now, what with over a week’s material to spill =[. I am less active this semester, but I feel like I have less time than last semester. I'm also kind of missing Spens-Black floor 2 right about now... I miss the people and how I could just walk down the hall and bother everyone. Apartment life is nice and quiet, but I dunnos... I think most of all, I miss home. I never thought I'd see the day where I say I'm homesick, but I think I am. I don't mind not being home, but it just makes me sad when I think about how easy everything is at home. I never have to try this hard to stay afloat in life back home. Not only in academics, but in everything else too. I think, no, I know I miss my friends -.- So mellow =D. Understanding, accepting. I never have to worry about anything with them. But I also realize that theres this huge bias of when I'm home, I'm not in school, which means no stress, no drama. There's no ulterior motives. I don't need to be on guard 24/7 trying to see what everyone's thinking. People at Berkeley are too competitive and alert. Just 3 more months. /endrant (or not...)

I had something I wanted to post about, and never got around to posting until now, so here goes! This was when Whitney, Kimberley and I were studying in Sonoma Cafe. After Kimberley left, two people sat down for lunch I guess. They talked about mutual friends and what they've done in life, and I couldn't help but imagine a movie scene. If that moment were a movie scene, the main characters would be the two of them. Who would I be? That random girl meant to fill in empty space? I realized that everyone has their own story, and just by being in that Cafe with the two of them there, I am a part of their story, even if all they remember me as (if they do) is that strange little asian girl. It's weird. It's hard to explain, but I don't care. I need an outlet for my outlandish thoughts.

This year I have to urge to join a bunch of new clubs. Which is weird considering I don't like being social. I think I'm trying to find a club where I'm actually interested in putting in time and effort. I realized that I don't really like big huge clubs and stuff. I like small groups. So far, I really like Canasta Club =]. Canasta is fun, even though I lose most of the time =P. I think I like it because its just so relaxed. No constant OMGOSH THIS EVENT IS THIS WEEKEND SIGN UP JOIN LETS HAVE SOCIALS AND MEETINGS ALL THE TIME. Being surrounded by ambitious people who strive to do great things in life is good, but only to a certain extent. It can motivate you, but it can also demoralize you. They’re bound to make a dent in the world, but what about me? I really don’t want to make a difference in the world.  Berkeley people are too ambitious. They know what they want. Makes me realize that maybe I didn’t quite choose the right place. Everyone expects so much.

Okay, so I realize this is a really depressing post, so here is my attempt at making it happier. Christina and I saw the most adorable freaking baby in the whole freaking world at Ten Rens at 99 Ranch. OH. MY. GOODNESSSSSSSSSS. That baby seriously was SO FREAKING CUTE. He totally had a fohawk. AND THEN, he waved at me. And reached out his hand to try to reach me. HOW IS THAT NOT CUTE. Dude, Christina’s Big from PSP got her a Spencer. Serious. A 45″ snow white teddy bear. Oh my goodness. Christina’s big is seriously really cool. =] Makes me want to rush ahahahaha. I’m also getting better at cooking!!! The stove is no longer super scary =].

Hmm, I have a feeling I’m going to come back and read this post and just straight up facepalm. I’m just having a stressful week which explains all the complaining and whatnot. Berkeley is actually not that bad, and I don’t regret my choice because I needed to set foot outside my bubble at least once. =] And besides, I’ve learned so much and met so many interesting people!

To end on an honest note, I miss ghetto El Monte =P. I can’t wait to get back and see everyone, and hear mariachi music randomly at night. <3